I'm so tired I'm stupid

No comments necessary on this being my constant state.

I'm now beyond tired, beyond my 43rd wind, and beyond my 5th drink or something like that. Had some good 'ol KY bourbon ... finally on ice this time and not out of the small itty bitty brown paper sack that held my trial size bottle in my purse all day. Bless my Irish lush parents!!!
And Jess insisted on wine with dinner.  2 bottles of a nice Marlborough Sauv Blanc. Plus maybe there was more booze somewhere. I think it even showed up in the Rum & Coke ice cream that accompanied the coconut cream mini-donuts and candied pineapple that they stuck my mom's b-day candle into.  And there are more little bottles with my name on them upstairs should I need them.

But I know I'm so tired I'm stupid because when I left the table to go visit the facilities I damn near walked into the wrong door and room. I had my hand on the door and was looking at the little picture, thinking, gee that look's different than normal. Why is that?  
D'oh. 
Or it may have been when I couldn't quite instantly remember which elevator arrow key to press to go from floor #2 to floor #4.

But I've only been up 18.5 hours. Psshhaw. That's nothin' !!  I've done worse lately.  I've done worse often in my life.
Ok, maybe not really so much lately. And not apparently after the emotional/psychological equivalent of the Boston Marathon.  Because I know I didn't move the equivalent of probably a 5K. And M had a rougher day. why the hell am I so tired??? Well, yeah, I didn't spend most of the day unconscious or on super-duper drugs, but still!!   But boy oh boy.
And here's where I should probably give a big 'ol shout out to my doc(s) and the damn fine doses of meds they have me on now -- without which I wouldn't have gotten through the hell that has been academia and my hopefully-not-doomed grad school life, or the terribly packed and exciting holidays, or today.  They're not reading but thank you Drs R and Dr Y!!

Despite all this -- I feel nearly guilty for going off to sleep like a normal person while M's in the ICU and doing whatever, or having whatever done and poked and prodded. He'd tell me to stop being silly. You'll tell me to stop being silly. What can I say -- it's the end of the day, I'm tired and stupid.

Ok. Now I really truly give up this time.  Maybe I'll stay up for one last phone check with M's nurses. He's doing ok, resting, nodding off to football and meditation - but still hasn't had any ice or water. Hope that changes overnight.   Thanks to any and all reading this or M's blog and all who've sent such great thoughts and virtual and real love. It means everything.

Peace
J