Ok, apparently all that sleep from the weekend, plus what must have been like 10+ hours last night, hasn't quite done the trick. I woke up (when I eventually did ... so much for asking M not to let me sleep like more than X hours or past Y... oof) with a hoarse voice, headache and general semi-icks. Turned today and its plans for more adventurous grocery shopping and cooking and house work into "loaf day" instead -- sitting around, loafing, playstationing, not going out, lunch from the freezer (the shiny, spiffy, glossy NEW freezer), and dinner from delivery Chinese place. 'Cuz all I really wanted was soup -- and since my bro hasn't been amenable to FedExing me any of his chicken udon broth soup and its glorious unctuous broth to me -- I settled for miso soup.
Ok and later I caved and had apple brown betty pie. Plus about a half dozen mugs of hot tea. And a handful of advil. Well, not all at once.
And now I'll try sleeping again.
Oh, and M has decided to stay as far away from my potential germs as possible and has relocated again to the guest room. See, he's doing so damn well and ahead of schedule, and ahead of me, that now it's me who has been run ragged and has to catch up! Hope for better days later this week as we are trying to make our first post-op extended foray and go to Boston to see our nephew.
And naturally his lovely parents too. ;-)
Peace
J
Showing posts with label tired. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tired. Show all posts
Monday, February 1, 2010
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Sleep, glorious sleep
Michael is definitely feeling better, progressing very well, despite as he puts it, "feeling run over by a large truck". Yes, apparently it's possible to feel "better" and yet also "hit-by-truckish" at the same time. Me .... not so much so.That truck may have sideswiped me on the way past. More in a minute.
As mentioned earlier in his and my posts, the patient desperately wants out of the house and to not be a "bump on a log" (not to be confused with "ants on a log" - a term & creation Michael was unaware of until last night when I explained). Sooooo .... shopping, malls, errands, and driving hither and yon it is. I may have erred in my county count in that earlier post -- I thought a few places where in different counties and Michael has corrected me (damn Yahoo Maps). But no worries, we'll probably hit all those counties soon anyway as he looks for more different places to go to walk and be "out". We've already gone to the Promenade in Saucon Valley on a near daily basis, hit the Lehigh Valley Mall twice (which is two more times than in the last 5 years combined), the mall at King of Prussia, and now also the Montgomery Mall. Plus Target, BJ's, Giant, Wegman's, Fresh Market -- all on regular basis. We're running out of grocery stores to try out.
And while we've been out, we've been trying to do a favor for my best buddy who lives in Ohio, and whose cute little 6-year old stepson has apparently become a Villanova Wildcat basketball fan. They have no connection to Nova, no idea how this started, but every time he hears or sees them on ESPN he goes nuts. So, since we live in Wildcat (of that blue persuasion -- not to be confused with my beloved purple Wildcats or the dreaded other blue Wildcats I grew up hating) country, we've been looking for some promised Nova gear in youth sizes. This has been a bit surprisingly more of a challenge than I thought -- but probably because our first forays were up closer to the Lehigh Valley and out of the core fan area for Nova. At the very least I figured, hey, I know where Nova's campus is and it's not that far, I can always go to the darn bookstore!
But we had great success yesterday so all is good.
But that was part of a series of errands that started with M getting me up early so we could go show community support and eat a $5 pancake breakfast at the local high school for the football team (not bad -- I've had much worse pancakes that cost more), then we drove to the Montgomeryville area (to our south), hit the mall, did his walking, did the shopping, and were on our way back home before noon. He also wanted to see a movie, have lunch and maybe dinner out, back up at Saucon (to our north). And at this point I hit the wall. Said movie would have to be later because I needed a nap --- NOW.
I've been feeling run down and a bit ragged lately. Been doing the dreaded java. Also advil and hot tea to try to knock out my sore throat. And Friday night I just didn't sleep well at all. More like a baby -- you know, up every two hours and cried. HA! Seriously though, up every 2 hours, and always thinking it had to have been 6 hours later instead. Very turned upside down-ish. So I took a nap of epic proportions -- would best that of any of my 2 1/2 year-old nephew. Felt a little more human. And we went to the movies (our 2nd of the week) and had a very nice early-ish dinner at Italian-inspired restaurant up at Saucon. Came home and was nodding off checking email at 9pm, so I went and crashed at what must be a record-early time for me and apparently hours before Michael. [ok, so I didn't fall asleep until 10:30 -- but that's still a record!] We have some things backward here in the patient-caretaker roles at the moment!
But I feel a bit more human this morning .. up early again to tackle the long list of activities for the day and driving all over the county. I really should get one of those black chauffeur hats to go with my black coat and our dark vehicles with the tinted windows in which I schlep -- I mean "drive" -- my dear beloved charge!
Peace
J
As mentioned earlier in his and my posts, the patient desperately wants out of the house and to not be a "bump on a log" (not to be confused with "ants on a log" - a term & creation Michael was unaware of until last night when I explained). Sooooo .... shopping, malls, errands, and driving hither and yon it is. I may have erred in my county count in that earlier post -- I thought a few places where in different counties and Michael has corrected me (damn Yahoo Maps). But no worries, we'll probably hit all those counties soon anyway as he looks for more different places to go to walk and be "out". We've already gone to the Promenade in Saucon Valley on a near daily basis, hit the Lehigh Valley Mall twice (which is two more times than in the last 5 years combined), the mall at King of Prussia, and now also the Montgomery Mall. Plus Target, BJ's, Giant, Wegman's, Fresh Market -- all on regular basis. We're running out of grocery stores to try out.
And while we've been out, we've been trying to do a favor for my best buddy who lives in Ohio, and whose cute little 6-year old stepson has apparently become a Villanova Wildcat basketball fan. They have no connection to Nova, no idea how this started, but every time he hears or sees them on ESPN he goes nuts. So, since we live in Wildcat (of that blue persuasion -- not to be confused with my beloved purple Wildcats or the dreaded other blue Wildcats I grew up hating) country, we've been looking for some promised Nova gear in youth sizes. This has been a bit surprisingly more of a challenge than I thought -- but probably because our first forays were up closer to the Lehigh Valley and out of the core fan area for Nova. At the very least I figured, hey, I know where Nova's campus is and it's not that far, I can always go to the darn bookstore!
But we had great success yesterday so all is good.
But that was part of a series of errands that started with M getting me up early so we could go show community support and eat a $5 pancake breakfast at the local high school for the football team (not bad -- I've had much worse pancakes that cost more), then we drove to the Montgomeryville area (to our south), hit the mall, did his walking, did the shopping, and were on our way back home before noon. He also wanted to see a movie, have lunch and maybe dinner out, back up at Saucon (to our north). And at this point I hit the wall. Said movie would have to be later because I needed a nap --- NOW.
I've been feeling run down and a bit ragged lately. Been doing the dreaded java. Also advil and hot tea to try to knock out my sore throat. And Friday night I just didn't sleep well at all. More like a baby -- you know, up every two hours and cried. HA! Seriously though, up every 2 hours, and always thinking it had to have been 6 hours later instead. Very turned upside down-ish. So I took a nap of epic proportions -- would best that of any of my 2 1/2 year-old nephew. Felt a little more human. And we went to the movies (our 2nd of the week) and had a very nice early-ish dinner at Italian-inspired restaurant up at Saucon. Came home and was nodding off checking email at 9pm, so I went and crashed at what must be a record-early time for me and apparently hours before Michael. [ok, so I didn't fall asleep until 10:30 -- but that's still a record!] We have some things backward here in the patient-caretaker roles at the moment!
But I feel a bit more human this morning .. up early again to tackle the long list of activities for the day and driving all over the county. I really should get one of those black chauffeur hats to go with my black coat and our dark vehicles with the tinted windows in which I schlep -- I mean "drive" -- my dear beloved charge!
Peace
J
Thursday, January 21, 2010
New time 'zone'
I've been slacking here now that we've returned to 'normal' life ... or our new 'normal'. I have also been trying, and often failing, to adjust to living in our new time zone. I am now trying to be on MST.
"Michael Standard Time".
[other alternate names considered: GMT (goshdarnearly Michael time), WMT (why-am-i-up Michael time), or any other variation on the same]
See, as I think I've mentioned before, I'm a night owl. I was born at night, my first waking hours were at night, I've always been good and alert at night, and grad school just returned me to this natural circadian rhythm my body has wanted for years -- to be a bat. So I do late nights, and late mornings and I have never ever been an early riser, or particularly good in the mornings. What can I say, working in the corporate world was hell for this reason alone.
Nevertheless, this is not a state I can live in during caretaking time, nor could I really manage it during the holidays, our travels, the time in Cleveland, etc. Too darn many of those 4:00-hour a.m. wake-up calls, early flights, early hospital appointments, etc. So I've been trying to adapt. Hence (probably) my fall from grace and wooing over to the dark side as my friends Jay & Sean have called it (quite maniacally gleefully I might add. hmmmm). I've been trying to be up early, get up when the alarm actually goes off, when Michael is up, and pretend to be a normal person. This was jump-started on the weekend of all godforsaken times when M had me up before 8am I believe on both days. The weekend is no longer sacred!! Ugh. I have regressed earlier this week, sleeping in past 9 and through my alarm unfortunately, and even missing a wanted aqua class. Darn. And this has resulted in sequential days of Starbucks visits for nonfat caramel lattes. [Darth Vader music & rasps ... "Luke, I AM your father/caffeine" Me: "Noooooooo!"]
Stay tuned to see if this results in a more permanent re-setting of my circadian rhythms or if I regress to my dark hours, and how well can I keep up with the patient and his preferred hours.
"Michael Standard Time".
[other alternate names considered: GMT (goshdarnearly Michael time), WMT (why-am-i-up Michael time), or any other variation on the same]
See, as I think I've mentioned before, I'm a night owl. I was born at night, my first waking hours were at night, I've always been good and alert at night, and grad school just returned me to this natural circadian rhythm my body has wanted for years -- to be a bat. So I do late nights, and late mornings and I have never ever been an early riser, or particularly good in the mornings. What can I say, working in the corporate world was hell for this reason alone.
Nevertheless, this is not a state I can live in during caretaking time, nor could I really manage it during the holidays, our travels, the time in Cleveland, etc. Too darn many of those 4:00-hour a.m. wake-up calls, early flights, early hospital appointments, etc. So I've been trying to adapt. Hence (probably) my fall from grace and wooing over to the dark side as my friends Jay & Sean have called it (quite maniacally gleefully I might add. hmmmm). I've been trying to be up early, get up when the alarm actually goes off, when Michael is up, and pretend to be a normal person. This was jump-started on the weekend of all godforsaken times when M had me up before 8am I believe on both days. The weekend is no longer sacred!! Ugh. I have regressed earlier this week, sleeping in past 9 and through my alarm unfortunately, and even missing a wanted aqua class. Darn. And this has resulted in sequential days of Starbucks visits for nonfat caramel lattes. [Darth Vader music & rasps ... "Luke, I AM your father/caffeine" Me: "Noooooooo!"]
Stay tuned to see if this results in a more permanent re-setting of my circadian rhythms or if I regress to my dark hours, and how well can I keep up with the patient and his preferred hours.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
I'm so tired ... part 327
Let's just assume that Jenn is tired, sleepy, under-caffeinated and likely to stay that way until past the point at which Punxsutawney Phill sees his shadow [and who knew!! there are competing Phil sites]. This way I'll stop blogging about being tired and boring everyone, including me. And I can stop feeling guilty about being tired b/c I'm still likely getting more sleep than himself. But I'm doing better than I expected, and taking to my semi-care taker role. I say "semi" becuase M is quite self-sufficient -- more so than I might have expected, especially one week past surgery.
For example, in Care Taking Lessons I've mentioned my struggles with shoe-lace-tying. And now I've been informed that perhaps all these years I've done it incorrectly. As M has proceeded to show me the proper way to tie his shoes, and his since taken the job back over himself. Which, is a good thing, but is leaving me few Nurse Jane Fuzzy Wuzzy moments here.
Peace
Jenn
For example, in Care Taking Lessons I've mentioned my struggles with shoe-lace-tying. And now I've been informed that perhaps all these years I've done it incorrectly. As M has proceeded to show me the proper way to tie his shoes, and his since taken the job back over himself. Which, is a good thing, but is leaving me few Nurse Jane Fuzzy Wuzzy moments here.
Peace
Jenn
Sunday, January 10, 2010
So tired - the sequel
This could become a multipart franchise to rival George Lucas.
I initially traded my nightcap for a glass of nice, CA zin with my juicy med rare burger that I got for dinner @ 9pm back at hotel. Hey, I eat pretty healthily all day @ hospital so dinner = some slack.
But then I wanted my KY bourbon nightcap afterall, fixed drink, started brewing ice tea (oh crap!!! It's still over there brewing!! %&@£ ) and went to bathroom to brush my hair. Except I ended up brushing my teeth instead. Mmmmm, minty fresh bourbon! Ugh
My life is full of "capture errors" in parlance of a cognitive something or other prof I've had on grad school.
I also have concern what the hotel thinks of my nightly drinking habit, because they've replaced my short squat glasses with tall ones (damned if I can remember which is Old fashioned vs Highball -- sorry Mom).
Care-taking Lessons of day:
-Goldfish brain finally figured to use towel as potholder when nuking to make tea
- Don't poke or rub patient too hard in sensitive bits during bath (NO, not Those bits you gutter brains!)
- M is faster than I, or he, thinks. He & his walking pole slipped past me tonite when I answered call from his bro & I was chasing him thru halls of unit and found him all at other end! (This is actually v. good thing!)
Peace
J
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
I initially traded my nightcap for a glass of nice, CA zin with my juicy med rare burger that I got for dinner @ 9pm back at hotel. Hey, I eat pretty healthily all day @ hospital so dinner = some slack.
But then I wanted my KY bourbon nightcap afterall, fixed drink, started brewing ice tea (oh crap!!! It's still over there brewing!! %&@£ ) and went to bathroom to brush my hair. Except I ended up brushing my teeth instead. Mmmmm, minty fresh bourbon! Ugh
My life is full of "capture errors" in parlance of a cognitive something or other prof I've had on grad school.
I also have concern what the hotel thinks of my nightly drinking habit, because they've replaced my short squat glasses with tall ones (damned if I can remember which is Old fashioned vs Highball -- sorry Mom).
Care-taking Lessons of day:
-Goldfish brain finally figured to use towel as potholder when nuking to make tea
- Don't poke or rub patient too hard in sensitive bits during bath (NO, not Those bits you gutter brains!)
- M is faster than I, or he, thinks. He & his walking pole slipped past me tonite when I answered call from his bro & I was chasing him thru halls of unit and found him all at other end! (This is actually v. good thing!)
Peace
J
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Thursday, January 7, 2010
I'm so tired I'm stupid
No comments necessary on this being my constant state.
I'm now beyond tired, beyond my 43rd wind, and beyond my 5th drink or something like that. Had some good 'ol KY bourbon ... finally on ice this time and not out of the small itty bitty brown paper sack that held my trial size bottle in my purse all day. Bless my Irish lush parents!!!
And Jess insisted on wine with dinner. 2 bottles of a nice Marlborough Sauv Blanc. Plus maybe there was more booze somewhere. I think it even showed up in the Rum & Coke ice cream that accompanied the coconut cream mini-donuts and candied pineapple that they stuck my mom's b-day candle into. And there are more little bottles with my name on them upstairs should I need them.
But I know I'm so tired I'm stupid because when I left the table to go visit the facilities I damn near walked into the wrong door and room. I had my hand on the door and was looking at the little picture, thinking, gee that look's different than normal. Why is that?
D'oh.
Or it may have been when I couldn't quite instantly remember which elevator arrow key to press to go from floor #2 to floor #4.
But I've only been up 18.5 hours. Psshhaw. That's nothin' !! I've done worse lately. I've done worse often in my life.
Ok, maybe not really so much lately. And not apparently after the emotional/psychological equivalent of the Boston Marathon. Because I know I didn't move the equivalent of probably a 5K. And M had a rougher day. why the hell am I so tired??? Well, yeah, I didn't spend most of the day unconscious or on super-duper drugs, but still!! But boy oh boy.
And here's where I should probably give a big 'ol shout out to my doc(s) and the damn fine doses of meds they have me on now -- without which I wouldn't have gotten through the hell that has been academia and my hopefully-not-doomed grad school life, or the terribly packed and exciting holidays, or today. They're not reading but thank you Drs R and Dr Y!!
Despite all this -- I feel nearly guilty for going off to sleep like a normal person while M's in the ICU and doing whatever, or having whatever done and poked and prodded. He'd tell me to stop being silly. You'll tell me to stop being silly. What can I say -- it's the end of the day, I'm tired and stupid.
Ok. Now I really truly give up this time. Maybe I'll stay up for one last phone check with M's nurses. He's doing ok, resting, nodding off to football and meditation - but still hasn't had any ice or water. Hope that changes overnight. Thanks to any and all reading this or M's blog and all who've sent such great thoughts and virtual and real love. It means everything.
Peace
J
I'm now beyond tired, beyond my 43rd wind, and beyond my 5th drink or something like that. Had some good 'ol KY bourbon ... finally on ice this time and not out of the small itty bitty brown paper sack that held my trial size bottle in my purse all day. Bless my Irish lush parents!!!
And Jess insisted on wine with dinner. 2 bottles of a nice Marlborough Sauv Blanc. Plus maybe there was more booze somewhere. I think it even showed up in the Rum & Coke ice cream that accompanied the coconut cream mini-donuts and candied pineapple that they stuck my mom's b-day candle into. And there are more little bottles with my name on them upstairs should I need them.
But I know I'm so tired I'm stupid because when I left the table to go visit the facilities I damn near walked into the wrong door and room. I had my hand on the door and was looking at the little picture, thinking, gee that look's different than normal. Why is that?
D'oh.
Or it may have been when I couldn't quite instantly remember which elevator arrow key to press to go from floor #2 to floor #4.
But I've only been up 18.5 hours. Psshhaw. That's nothin' !! I've done worse lately. I've done worse often in my life.
Ok, maybe not really so much lately. And not apparently after the emotional/psychological equivalent of the Boston Marathon. Because I know I didn't move the equivalent of probably a 5K. And M had a rougher day. why the hell am I so tired??? Well, yeah, I didn't spend most of the day unconscious or on super-duper drugs, but still!! But boy oh boy.
And here's where I should probably give a big 'ol shout out to my doc(s) and the damn fine doses of meds they have me on now -- without which I wouldn't have gotten through the hell that has been academia and my hopefully-not-doomed grad school life, or the terribly packed and exciting holidays, or today. They're not reading but thank you Drs R and Dr Y!!
Despite all this -- I feel nearly guilty for going off to sleep like a normal person while M's in the ICU and doing whatever, or having whatever done and poked and prodded. He'd tell me to stop being silly. You'll tell me to stop being silly. What can I say -- it's the end of the day, I'm tired and stupid.
Ok. Now I really truly give up this time. Maybe I'll stay up for one last phone check with M's nurses. He's doing ok, resting, nodding off to football and meditation - but still hasn't had any ice or water. Hope that changes overnight. Thanks to any and all reading this or M's blog and all who've sent such great thoughts and virtual and real love. It means everything.
Peace
J
Hitting the wall
More update & venting later here. News on Michael's blog.
Longest day done. Kaput. Fried. All adrenaline spent. Which may be why M finally nudged me out of ICU @ 6pm. That & he was tired & sleepy. Go figure.
Michael said his pain was much better when I left, down to a 2 on the 1 - 10 scale. I was impressed. I'm about a 2 on a semi- regular basis, including right now.
I went to parents hotel, had a drink-drink, talked w/ my own "doc" who's wonderful & keeps me leveled, put feet up & worried if I'd ever get my feet back in my shoes.
And now dinner at the nicer version of affiliated, connected hotels. Where I hope to hell my face doesn't fall in my pork-wrapped, pork-stuffed, pork. It's a real possibility.
May be end for me today. More later and updates on when he moves to private digs.
Peace
J
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Longest day done. Kaput. Fried. All adrenaline spent. Which may be why M finally nudged me out of ICU @ 6pm. That & he was tired & sleepy. Go figure.
Michael said his pain was much better when I left, down to a 2 on the 1 - 10 scale. I was impressed. I'm about a 2 on a semi- regular basis, including right now.
I went to parents hotel, had a drink-drink, talked w/ my own "doc" who's wonderful & keeps me leveled, put feet up & worried if I'd ever get my feet back in my shoes.
And now dinner at the nicer version of affiliated, connected hotels. Where I hope to hell my face doesn't fall in my pork-wrapped, pork-stuffed, pork. It's a real possibility.
May be end for me today. More later and updates on when he moves to private digs.
Peace
J
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
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